In Other Words

A word is not a crystal,

transparent and unchanged; it is the skin

of a living thought and may vary greatly

in color and content according to the

circumstances in which it is used.

—Oliver Wendell Holmes

PRINCIPIA

Don't worry if you don't get it—I crack myself up

eyelid speculum

Yes, unfortunately it's true. There is such a thing as an eyelid speculum. Eeeeewww!

I had emergency eye surgery for a detached retina this week. Unlike other people I know that had dainty laser procedures for torn retinas—mine involved eyelid speculums, freezing probes, ice cream headaches, air injections, fluid removal and lots of things inserted INSIDE my eyeball! Holy mother of Bob! Who thinks up this crap??? I thought they were joking when they told me what was coming. I'm lucky I got out of there before somebody decided to let an alien worm crawl in my ear and through my brain to take care of it.

It was surprise surgery, so my friends Susan and John came to get me and my car at Tufts in Boston. I waited in the car because I wanted someplace I could moan in private. I'm tough with a ridiculous pain threshold, but my pain-o-meter was through the roof. The first order of business when settled in back home was to find a Vicodin. Thank God I broke my ankle! (long time ago–saved the pills)

Now I'm supposed to lie down on my right side for three days. I hope typing with my head tipped over counts…

It's good to have a pet cow