How far tradition? "Alice's Restaurant Massacree"

Who has holiday traditions? Family traditions, parties, xmas trees, food, dress, gifts, songs—it goes on and on. Most of my traditions are secret. Actually, in my life, holidays are discretionary. Am I in the mood? Do I want a xmas tree? How many people will be at my house in the days before and following the holiday? I'm single, so my holidays are spent at other people's dinners and parties. Who's going to be there? What's for dinner? I have felt very sad driving home from yet another xmas eve party all by myself, but that's about it. I love driving in the snow and I've seen some very unusual things on that drive home—but that's pretty much a whole book.

In Massachusetts, we have a tradition that is genuinely dear to my heart. I won't miss a second of it. During that drive to my holiday destination, at noon, the radio stations—ALL the radio stations play "Alice's Restaurant Massacree" one of Arlo Guthrie's most memorable works. For those of you not familiar with the song, it is over eighteen minutes long and is a rambling story about Thanksgiving dinner at Alice's, in Stockbridge MA, including Arlo Guthrie's Thanksgiving day, 1965 arrest —for littering. Luckily, officer Obie was able to apprehend the suspects and photograph the unholy abomination. Unfortunately, the stack of 8" x 10" black and white glossy photos, with details in notation were wasted, because the judge happened to be blind. However, that's not the punch line. Fifty dollars later and back home in New York, Arlo reported to the induction center with his draft notice, where he was determined to be too immoral to go to Vietnam to kill men, women and children, due to his arrest record.

It will make you laugh whether you want to or not. I want to know; do they play the song where you live?

Later it was rumored to be the 18 1/2 minute gap in Nixon's white house tapes…

Annual passive aggressive holiday stroll

It time! Today is the day I luxuriate in window shopping amid the bright lights and tacky decorations in the biggest mall I can find. I'm going to look at clothes, books, microwaves, pots and pans, boots, perfume, skin lotions, jewelry, candy, hats, scarves, and apple computers I'm not going to buy.

I have decided I don't feel like buying any xmas gifts this year. That's one of the really nice things about being me—I act like I was raised by wolves and I don't care. I'll hold up traffic as I stroll slowly through the crowds rushing desperately to find that essential gift. I'm blocking traffic. I'll actually listen to the elevator music Christmas carols through all the noise, to make sure I get just the right one stuck in my head. After all, it has to last me till New Years Eve.

I'm finally going to have my picture taken on Santa's lap. I don't care if I break his leg, because I'm going to act like I'm strangling him and yell "Where's my pony!!" At least my nose won't be running. I'll post it.

I'm going to stay a long time. I may even eat by the inside window of a restaurant so I can watch Christmas life go by with a summery salad and nice glass of wine. Before I leave, I'll call my neighbors to ask them over for a glass of wine, so we can all relax. I plan to encourage attainment of full Christmas tree induced comas before we call it a night.

God, I love Christmas.

The tree!

The Scene of the Crime

The Engineer of the Plot and Stylist
We only had two glasses of champagne before we got the decorations out of the attic…

The Accomplice

No really…

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Xmas tree

Yay! I've got a xmas tree! And I grew it myself!

A cute little six inch pine tree appeared in my garden one day. I couldn't pull it out or cut it down. It wasn't hurting anything. The next year I thought, "It will be a problem some day, but it's too cute right now." Then it was four feet high and a little too big for me to move and looked just like a perfect xmas tree. So I decided to let it grow another year and bring it in for xmas. That year it snowed too early and there was absolutely no chance of digging into the snow drift to cut it. Before I knew it, it was huge, blocking the sun to my bright orange azaleas and flutterby rose bush. I decided I'd cut it this summer—which seemed like a waste when I could use the top 1/4 for a xmas tree. Yesterday I finally did it.

Today I can't move one side of my body due to sore ribs, but I have the niftiest xmas tree ever. It's the biggest one I've ever had—and the strangest. What I couldn't see from the ground is that the trunk splits and it has two tops. I'll have to borrow an extra star. It is quite lopsided, but you can smell it all over the house. Even the wreaths I made for some friends make a whole house smell great. I have the most excellent led bulbs that look like the old-fashioned kind, but don't get hot.

It's one of those things that I just want to sit and stare at. I haven't decorated it yet, but I stayed up late last night hypnotized by the lights. I can't tell you the joy of putting up an aromatic, crooked xmas tree with no one telling you the lights aren't even or that you missed a spot. Glorious. I'm not going to decorate it until my friends come over for wine.

Mind over matter

I'm still eating out! I haven't prepared any food since November 22nd. Having lots of good friends who remember your Birthday can be fattening! Although I did post it on my facebook ten days in advance to make sure no one was inconvenience with rush shopping. Hmmmn…maybe that's an important piece of this weight loss puzzle?

Let's see:

Crab cakes, salad, Israeli couscous with vegetables, sauce and bacon, rosemary scallops, wine and chocolate cake. Lots of chocolate cake

Scallops, wild rice, green beans, wine and I was feeling so virtuous after such a healthy meal, that I skipped the cake

Two restaurant doggie bags. Does that count as eating out? I didn't shop or cook—it does!

Full Thanksgiving dinner. Trail mix, turkey, potatoes, stuffing, gravy, carrots, broccoli, cranberry sauce and wine.

Ditto

Ditto

Six course Italian dinner with, antipasti and bruschetta, escargot in portabello mushrooms, breaded and fried, lasagna, veal stuffed tortellini, roasted prime rib of pork, fragole flambé, four wines and Limoncello. Luckily I walked.

Half lobster with scallops on wild rice with sherry sauce, asparagus, and a huge dish of pistachio gelato

Today it's doggy bag

I don't know if anyone is going to take me out to eat tomorrow night. I hope so because I am quickly becoming accustomed to this life. Friday I'm going away for the weekend and I don't think they'll make me cook, so I just have to line something up for Sunday night at this point.

Now this is the really good part. I've lost ten pounds in the last three weeks. I think it's all the healthy food that I don't cook at home. There's a little bit of gym in there, but with a hurt knee, I'm pretty feeble on the elliptical. I'm SURE the real force behind the weight loss was that, sensing impending fat doom, I watched the last three episodes of The Biggest Loser twice. I don't care how wildly you scoff. You can just die laughing!